When people ask me to tell them about our mission in East Hollywood, they usually want to hear stories of what God is doing (through us and despite us) in the lives of other people. I love sharing those stories. But recently my friend Gena Granberg asked me to share (in a panel format at the Pepperdine Bible Lectures) my response to an equally important question, “What is God doing in you through this church planting experience?” For those of you who are interested in church planting as a woman, here was the essence of my reply:
“What is God doing in you through this church planting experience?”
God continues to clean up my “mess”! We dreamed of inner city/urban church planting for the last eight years, but God had other things in mind for us, in the form of training and maturing us through some extremely important character building and learning experiences in ministry, as well as some difficult personal failures that needed correction by the God of discipline. When God finally moved us to East Hollywood I rejoiced that part of our preparation was done! However, in the last six months of living in our new neighborhood, God has been leading me through some very difficult times, including my broken ankle. I have been angry with Him and questioning why God allowed these trials to come, even after He finally brought us here to this mission field after all this time…why? For what purpose? How do I trust Him? Why pray? I felt for a while that this was a faith crisis.
Then I was presented with yet another opportunity to give testimony about Christ to a neighbor and in the middle of all this doubt and anger I still felt completely excited to share Him with her. I knew that He was the answer for her. God helped me realize that it wasn’t a time of faith-shaking, but rather faith-shaping, just like He’s been doing for the last 8 years. I knew (because of sharing Him with my friend) that the Holy Spirit was still alive and well in me and that I had been very naïve to think God’s work in me was done (or even on hiatus) just because we are finally here, church-planting! If anything, it’s just beginning all over again, with new intensity.
That’s one of the awesome things about living as a missionary in this world…looking for opportunity (whether formal or informal, paid or lay) to share the transforming power of Christ. It never stops transforming YOU along the way. I hear a lot of stories of Christians who have atrophied, or become anemic in their faith. They are sick with overfeeding…only taking and internalizing the message, or weakened by only discussing it with other believers. God has shown me that it is a praise and honor that His hard work in me isn’t ever going to stop! I’m becoming stronger through the agony of my own personal struggles, and am not afraid or ashamed to share them with others, including the non-Christians around me. My mentor, Jeanette Rodriguez, encouraged me not to hide what God is doing inside me, even if it’s messy!
So, I told my friend that day. I told her about all my questions and my anger with God. She was quiet for a moment and my heart was pounding! I was holding my breath, waiting to hear if this would chase her away. But no, God is good, and His power IS made perfect in weakness. She began to pour out her heart, telling me all about where she is spiritually, the questions SHE has about prayer, and exactly what she thinks of the Bible. Then she asked me an awesome question. She wants me to keep her informed about my journey with my Father. She wants me to let her know what God says or does to answer my questions.
Another mentor (who happens to be moderating this panel 
) told me that, “I believe that what the planters themselves go through spiritually is a magnification of what your neighbors will go through as they journey towards God. In a sense the battle you are fighting is a battle on their behalf.” That is so true, and it gives me hope and strength to submit to God’s work in ME so that THEY might be drawn to HIM!
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Well, that’s what God is doing in me (so far) through my experience as a missionary. Are there any other women in missions out there (paid or lay, international or domestic) with similar stories? I’d love to read them.